My heart skips a beat.
Scratch that, it skips a whole bunch of beats.
I'm short of breath.
My hands tremble.
My mouth is dry.
I shouldn't be that shocked. I've done this search every day for the last 10 years. But still it's hard to process.
I closed it and opened it again.
Yep, still there.
Heart still pounding.
Now to wait. 9 Days 6 Hours 5 Minutes.
Nine days is a long time.
I check all the time, is it still there? Yesss!!!
Days go by and my nerves build.
Finally it's the day of, I look at it over and over again.
The time can't pass fast enough.
It keeps getting closer.
At eleven minutes I quit checking and just watch it countdown.
My alarm, that I set a week ago, so I don't miss it goes off. Two more minutes.
I realize I'm sweating. The I'm going to need a shower kind of sweating.
I don't hear my heartbeat but I feel it in my ears.
I enter a big number, the biggest number I've ever paid for a card or even bid before. Heck, I've bought a car for less. (a very crappy car, but still a car)
Resume the countdown
At 7 I submit because I always submit at 7.
And then the noise. Notification, Email, Paypal all trying to ring through at the same time.
My wife, who has been staring at me because I've been pacing the living room for a half hour asks, "did you win?" I respond with, "yeah." But it doesn't come out like YEEEAAAHHH!!! as I expected before hand. Instead it's a whisper, "yeah". I've waited a long time for this; I should feel euphoric but I don't. Instead I just feel.... Relief.
I sit in my chair.
I relax for the first time in the last few hours.
The beating in my ears slows and goes away.
Then the next beating comes to my ears. "How much did it cost?"
I think to myself why does it matter, did I ask you how much those ugly boots with the fluffy shit coming out the top cost; but I respond with, "it wasn't so bad".
"How much is not so bad?"
Jokingly I say, "well we don't have to cancel Christmas anymore."
"HOW MUCH DID IT COST?"
Am I the only one who thinks things are funny that their spouse does not?
"It didn't even come close to what I thought it would, you won't even notice it's gone", I say.
Satisfied she goes back to watching her program.
But, for me the wait starts over because it's 6 to 8 days shipping and even more importantly there is always a new whale to chase.