Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Contest Standings Now I Need Your Help

The first part of the contest id now officially over.  I had 13 people enter.  So that means 6.5 move on.  How can half a person move on you say?  Well I'm going to pick 6 that get to move on and then I am going to do a poll of the others and let the readers decide who moves on.  But first here are all the entries.

Dayf - Cat 5 hurricane Bonnie will slam into Tampa during the Rays vs. Yankees game on July 31st with such force that the roof of Tropicana field is ripped off and both teams are drowned in a flood of oil, saltwater and dead fish. Boston goes on to defeat the Durham Bulls in a one game playoff to win the division.

SpastikMooss - The Yankees, unaffected by talk that their rotation is fine and that they never needed to go after Cliff Lee, end up trading for Dan Haren, Roy Oswalt, Brett Myers, Ben Sheets, Joakim Soria, Cliff Lee, and Stephen Strasburg, just for good measure.

Of course, in acquiring all of these pitchers, the Yankees lose a ton of their talent, including major league talent. Though their 12 man rotation is superb, they are forced to start scrubs like Willie Bloomquist and Jason Kendall that they acquired in the Soria trade.

The Yankees lose a ton of 1-0 games and fall out of contention, leaving the battle between the Sox and Rays. Of course, the Yankees took all of the Rays best pitchers for position players, so that ends up not being much of a fight in the end. The Red Sox, who rightly refused to trade the Yankees, become the only balanced team in baseball and win the AL East.

And oh yeah, I left out that the Yankees traded for David Price and Matt Garza. That is kind of assumed later on, but I didn't fully explain it.
Ryan - The Orioles will win the remainder of their games against the Yankees, Rays, and Jays but inexplicably lose all their games against the Red Sox. Boston takes the pennant....
Cam - Boston's bad luck will continue, and the only active players will be Michael Bowden and Ryan Shealy. The others will all be injured. Shealy will play the entire field and Bowden will pitch every game. Shealy will go on a hot streak and have a 40 home run second half, while Bowden will have a 1.17 ERA to finish the season. The Red Sox will then sign free agent Jermaine Dye, who will win World Series MVP with 5 home runs and 19 RBis in the 4 game sweep of the Braves to win the World Series. And sorry, I know it was supposed to be just how they won the AL East, but I got caught up in my story :)
Don - The Red Sox will win the East when whatever injury bug is jinxing them will leave the clubhouse and infect the Trop when the Yankees visit in July.

Sportswriters will wonder in amazement at what is causing these strange injuries. Who would have guessed that Sabathia would hurt his elbow bringing it back in the window after paying for McDonald's though the drive through. One of A-Rod mirrors broke and put a whopping 1 inch gash on his foot, ending his season. Texeria hurt his back lugging all of that money around. Rivera finally showed his age.

The Devil Rays were not immune either. Longoria ran away with Eva Longoria, chuckling at how similar their names were. David Price found out that the Price was not right. Carl Crawford came down with a horrible slump that no one can explain.

The Sox, finally healthy, will run past these teams and clinch the pennant before the last weekend.

Oh, I think that I should be scared as Dave used my first idea. I hope that I am not starting to think like him.

LongLiveThe Who - This contest is moot considering the Sox won't win the East :)

I do see them getting to the wild card though, once everyone comes back from injuries.

The Rays pitching has been degressing and their offense is vastly overrated (Longoria, Pena, and Crawford are the only threats in that lineup).

Yeah, I just disqualified myself from the contest, but that's okay. I'll take the risk.

Slangon - The crack team of mad-scientists that reside in their secret lab inside of the Green Monster will work feverishly to come up with a cure for all the Red Sox baseball-related injuries and in the process invent a super-secret biological process that has not yet been banned by Major League Baseball that will turn all the inured Red Sox into Uber-Baseball Players.

Within days of fielding an entire team of Incredible Hulks, the rest of the American League will begin to forfeit all their games against Boston after several players are killed or maimed by line drives off of Red Sox bats. Also, all the opposing players are afraid to face Sox pitching after several batters arms are severed from just making contact with all those 312 MPH change-ups. Yes, that's right. Their change-ups are coming in at 312 MPH.

An unsubstantiated rumor has it that A-Rod peed his pants after Super Youkilis said his name under his breath.

Boston sets a World Series record for winning in 0 games after the National League Champs decide to just not show up.

Night Owl - The Yankees, robbed of the evil life force supplied by their dearly departed Steinbrenner, suddenly lose their ability to win through their usual nefarious means. The team reverts to the pre-SteinbrennerCelerino Sanchez is at third base and members of the pitching staff are swaping wives. The team drops into fourth place.

The absence of Steinbrenner somehow affects Tampa Bay, too, since Steinbrenner was a Tampa Bay resident. The Rays didn't exist in '72, so they fall completely apart, losing every game.

The Red Sox, meanwhile, surge to the top. All of the hatred that they had bottled up for Steinbrenner has been released and they are able to play without worrying about the evil empire.

MMosley - I am not sure how it's going to happen but I do know that it will involve the following:

1. Bucky "Freaking" Dent
2. A bloody sock
3. A Pedro v. Zimmer Bobblehead Fight promotion
4. Ted Williams' partially thawed noggin
5. Daniel Nava
It should make for an exciting end to the season OR a fun off-season MLB network reality show

Roy - They'll make a trade with AA to acquire Jose Bautista, Scott Downs, Jason Frasor and Shaun Marcum. Oh, and Dayf's hurricane.

mmmrhubarb - The BoSox win the AL East because they're not the Yankees -- that simple.
Dan - The Red Sox will win the AL East because all players in the lineup will start shying away from the influence of the Mike Lowell goatee and worshipping the Greek goatee of Kevin Youkilis. Then, Jon Lester's elbow tendons will merge with Daniel Bard's to create a new super Red Sox pitcher named Charles Yawkey Young that will become the ace of the staff; he will not have a goatee. Yay for mutant, lab-created pitchers.

WhiteSoxCards - The sniper that couldn't get through Angels security for the All-Star Game decides to take it out on the teams of the Eastern Division. As Yankees, Rays, Orioles and Jays get bullets in their kneecaps (thus rendering them on the DL for the rest of the season and assuring that doctors will never be out of work), miraculously Conan O'Brien's beard and the ghost of Ben Affleck's movie career convince the sniper to spare the Red Sox because they have suffered enough injuries this season.

Touched by the quasi-celebrity display, the sniper enlists the help of top scientists to clone Ted Williams and Babe Ruth. With a bullpen full of Ruths and a field full of Ted Williams, with the exception of Bobby Doerr, who regained second base after discovering the fountain of youth in a bottle of Evian, the Red Sox barnstorm through the rest of the season and end up in the playoffs with the best record in baseball. That sniper that missed the All-Star Game was a blessing in disguise.

Okay, now that you read all the entries. I am going to give you my favorite 6 and what I liked about them.

1. Dayf's - I thought his hurricane story was the most entertaining.
2. Dan - His Youkilis Goatee comment cemented his spot in the contest.
3. Don - Texeria getting hurt carrying his money bag cracked me up enough that he is in.  If he would have had Tony chase down Evan he may have won the top spot.
4.  mmrhubarb - I can't deny an anti-yankee comment.
5.  Slangon - A-Rod wetting himself was classic
6.  Cam - Almost took himself out of the contest with more Sox players getting hurt but pulled it out with them winning the series and his advertisement.

Now the guys at the bottom and why I didn't choose them.  (in order of their comments)

SpastikMooss - The yankees don't trade for talent then buy it.
Ryan - Just to short.
LongLiveTheWho - Yours was plain awefull.  But you were right about one thing you disqualified yourself.  So you don't even make the poll.  Sorry my contest my rulings.
Night Owl - We were never worried about Steinbrenner. 
Mmosley - Just mentioning Dent got you put in the loser group.
Roy - If all the Jays players are so great why are they not goin gto make the playoffs?
WhiteSoxCards - I don't like the yankees but I don't want them shot.  (well not right now anyway)

So now please vote which of those 7 6 make it to the next round.  I'll leave the poll up till Friday.  Then part two or the contest.


SpastikMooss said...

Haha I agree with your thoughts on my entry, I wrote it around when they were trying to deal for Cliff Lee though, which made 0 sense.

mmosley said...

I did say "FREAKING" when I mentioned Dent!

AdamE said...

Yes you said freaking but you also mentioned poor Ted's unfortunate stuation...

Anonymous said...

Learning makes a good man better and ill man worse.............................................................

White Sox Cards said...

Basically my entry was inspired by a line from a Simpsons episode about a sniper at the All-Star Game. I did put in that they would be on the DL for the rest of the season, but not wanting to see someone's career over by a sniper, left the door open for a complete recovery by 2011. :-)

Collective Troll said...

Its close, but mmosely made me laugh the most among the bubble candidates... You got some great entries here. Of course the Sox aint going anywhere...